We need some Conquistadors

A couple of weekends ago, I saw a banner for a Mayan exhibit at the Kimbell Art Museum. I made a note to myself to go and see this as I enjoy Mesoamerican antiquities. I've even visited some of the better known places in Mexico. Fascinating stuff, and a pity. It chaps my ass to think of how much we lost to the plague of European conquerors. While the Maya still exist today, they are a pale shadow of their former selves, crushed into assimilation by an arrogant, ignorant, and unworthy master. I even wish they Maya had had some unknown disease that could have killed of those Catholic bastards, or at least let them live long enough to take it back to Europe to decimate their population. <Ecstatic shudders>

That made me think: we need some new conquistadores, and the more I thought about this while I was driving, the more I loved it. Why I loved it had to do with all the sickening piety gushing out of the worthless evangelicals that re a genuine plague to our country. They are extremists. They are zealots. Those people need be destroyed with prejudice.

Here's the scenario:

One day, out the blue and without warning, aliens arrive. They seem benign but they possess a power that goes beyond our comprehension to a diety-like level. In very short time and without warning, rhyme or reason, they become malign and: butcher half of the population and all of the clerical people; destroy the religious and some non-religious cultural texts; make us learn a single, new language; make us worship alien god(s) that have no meaning; put us to work as slaves harvesting our natural resources; give us a disease that kills off a quarter of the remaining population; then leave us to flounder like a dying fish on a beach. If we are lucky, they will destroy our planet when they sail on to other shores.

My pleasure at this situation is derived from the anguish of the pious, crying to their sky pasta daddy, and the silence of the response. With so much of the culture destroyed and poorly remembered, enhanced by a death penalty for anyone practicing the old ways, how can one not love the irony dealt to these pasta lovers-an irony lost on their ignorance.

Suffer, bastards.