2012/01/23

Taber-Chuckle : 2012-Jan-23

Bad traffic forced me to take a back route to work today and that means passing by the original home of the Taber-Chuckle. I didn't have time to snap a photo but have recreated the sign with one of those handy meme generators. Enjoy.


Either way, you've run aground.

2011/12/25

Taber-Chuckle: 2011-Dec-02

The joy of the lord is your strength.

(As I write this a few weeks later, I honestly cannot remember what was the point I had at the time. Fortunately, you need only see the phrase in context to find something egregious about it. Historical context illuminated by James R. Davis at FocusOnG**.com)


To its credit, this little ditty is inspirational. Replace the theological aspect with scientific inquiry and it remains as inspiring. However, I came to lambast this saying, not praise it. In context, it is a story about looking at what you have, be grateful and celebrate life. In all, still not a bad suggestion. It is the general message ofFrank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life. People love that movie for that very reason. It does gloss over the point that it's okay to not be satisfied with your situation. After all, that is the catalyst for most change in people's lives: you are happy with what you have or not and you're willing to do something about it. Much like George Bailey in the movie, the Israelites in the parable are whiney about their situation. In both instances, the sky daddy intervenes to tell these individuals that all is okay and be glad with what you have, meager and insignificant though it may be to the grand scheme of things. The scheme of some individuals will always be insignificant and once you can embrace this, you'll find yourself a much happier person.

As I mentioned, it's a decent observation that is easily adapted to a non-theological stance that retains its inspirational aspect. Nevertheles,  the message of "be happy with what you have" is oppressive. "You're still alive and you have me, your sky daddy. Stay where you are. All is well! I repeat, all is well!"

If you're happy or content, you are less likely to better yourself, to seek something new and exciting for the sake of that very discovery and its inherent journey. That right there is the story of humankind. That is inspirational. Interstellar-space forbid, you move on, leaving the comfort of the sky daddy. I say that because eventually, every journey will take an individual to a point where sky daddy cannot go. Some people will stop at that point and be content. Good on them for finding that balance in their life. Some people will press on and discovery ever greater wonders. Good on them for not stopping human progress.

 

See you there.

Nonsense everlasting, plain and simple

From Penn Jillette's book, God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales:

There is no god and that's the simple truth. If every trace of any single religion died out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.

(via DaringFireball)

2011/11/27

Men who beg

When did men become so insignificant that they let some impotent mindless activity fill their days? In the past, men did not join causes to try and pimp some crafted social moment or cause to try and guilt people into giving of their time, effort, and money. Men just told people about the problem, rolled up their sleeves, and got to work. Now, these pseudo men join causes. They go about attempting to get others to do their work for them. Movember is a prime example of this. These fag ass pimps seek to get others to do their work when in fact they should be earning money and donating it to prostate cancer. Too bad they wimp out and beg from a servile weakness. This is really what is going on. Begging. When did the beggar obtain such a vaunted position in society? Beggars used to be spat upon. Except now, too often, I see them felt sorry for by all those weak sniveling spineless wimps. Oh yes you can have one of my hard earned dollars because you are cold and hungry. Because you are too lazy to go get a job. Earn your living you damned parasite. But no! This is asking too much of the bum beggar. We must value him because we feel for him. What if we were in his position? Wouldn't we want someone to give to us because we were down on our luck? Those pseudo men do. Those who were men faces but who are not men do. They have been tricked into believing that to give to those who do not wish to do for themselves is a good thing, this they think is valuable. In truth, it is not.

The weakness displayed by these pimps of poverty these parasites who feed on and unltimately destroy the true definition of what it means to be a man. They who participate in begging are the vermin that need destruction. Women have arranged it for them. Wear your pink lady dress you simps who pimp feeling instead of doing for one's self. You all disgust me with your valueless stance. I'll bet you even pee sitting down because your member has been put in the vault of your wife's purse. It is time to man up. Obtain your identity and start doing instead of begging. If you want to solve problems stop joining this cause or that cause. Put your shoulder to the grind stone and work for a buck. Take that buck and give it to x, y, z charity, cause, or effort. Then you will once again find your manhood that has been taken from you by those so called women who love you and society that has destroyed you.

I leave those feel good moments, ads, and social pop-pimping to the weak beggars who can't do for themselves, and thus seek to get others to do for them. Oh what I wouldn't give to do to them and those women who wear mustaches.

2011/11/23

Taber-Chuckle II: Nov 23, 2011

Psalm 119:105 — Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

At least, that's what the sign wanted to say, if there were enough room.

 

Now that I have a new route to and from work, I miss my old Taberchuckle source. That had some beauties. In it's place, I have chosen a big Lutheran church by the freeway. While they typically do not make up inspirational phrases as the old Taber did, they do pick actual passes, so far as I've seen. What I am finding nice about this approach is that it lets me take a sentence and expound  upon it. The wording might be slightly concatenated to fit the sign but I look it up and see how it plays in context and what was left out. Here is the inaugural Taberchuckle II.

 

What always irks me the most is the call to subservience. You would think that with Christianity growing out of the enslaved peoples of Rome, they might want to shake of those vestiges of bondage. Equally as annoying is the constant harping on the same note that "my was is the only way and you are shit without it". What company wouldn't want to see their product to half of the world with simple messaging like that? It is this aspect that annoys me with this phrase.

 

Let's start with the "to my feet" component. Why is this here? It could certainly be a vestige of archaic phrasing that is lost to us now but I know how to walk without looking at my feet so lighting my path would sufficient, thank you very much. Next, why is the traveller so fixated on his feet? Why isn't she watching where she's going? More to the point, why is the scenery being ignored? Because it is wicked and evil? Says who? Maybe it's because our traveller might see another path, one that is better lit and with better scenery and fraught with less peril?

What about the traveller who does not need the light, who has better night vision because of genetics or because he already knows the road? Maybe I am luminous on my own and do not need your light. Why travel at night in the first place?

There is a reason that the iconography for knowledge is a lamp. The whether it's Diogenes looking for the wise man or jebus and its brand of truthiness, they both offer knowledge. One is good to you now, the other when you're dead. Which benefits you more? That is the individual's true choice.

 

Maybe I don't like the brand of oil this message provides. I'll still use oil in my lamp, just not  yours. Plus, I'm going to look down that road to see what's coming rather than focus on where I am at just that moment. Looking down the road, I can see some of the wonders the future might bring and spot opportunities to take a different path and to plan for that change, instead of marching along in the dark, staring at my own two feet, eyes averted to the world.

 

Keep that head bowed, traveller.

2011/11/15

When cometh the monster

While I was out doing my morning constitutional, I was turning over in my head the idea of contacting tech support for the company that provides a storage service at work to see if they have any improvements that would greatly benefit me. In particular, this service is very slow on my machine because the file system method they use is a nightmare when using the normal standard to access it and they do not have a Macintosh client for it. Anyway, I was thinking of describing it as "slower than the arrival of Christmas in a godless country".

Uh, oh. Now I take off on a tangent.

Maybe I should say, "slower than Christmas in the Roman Empire". No, better yet: "slower than a colonial times Yule festival". Yeah. As much as the fucking Republicans love to harp on and on about the Founding Fathers and Christmas, why not bring back the Yule festival, a wonderful drunken debauch that would last for days. At least, they will have tradition to allow their private vices.

No, they'd never go along with that. Just like their vision of American Christianity, they like to cherry pick this and that, never the whole concept, much less in context. Their vision is nothing more than a Frankenstein monster. If only we could jump to the end where The Monster destroys its creator.

I smiled and finished my walk in record time.

2011/03/01

Blank Stare

There are moments when terror truly rises to confront us. Being in a small dingy on the open ocean during a hurricane, performing a space walk when your ship explodes, thus leaving one all alone-drifting in space, and of course being talked to by Jebus lovers. These noxious bastards have that vacant kind of stare that dope fiends have. The empty, blank stare confronting one when these cohorts of doom come by causes all truth seekers to shiver. What is worse is the fact that they believe they have the right, no, the commandment from jebus himself to talk to others. However, what they don't realize is the fact that they aren't talking to others. They are talking at others. Thus, no real conversation can occur. They are safe from enlightenment and truth. All they have to do is keep talking and drown out the voices that may cause dissonance, a murmur in the pattern of lies they spew. So, they yammer on to one another about the same damn thing every time they get together. You have all heard them repeat the same fucking mindless drone phrases over and over. I mean, here I am trying to enjoy my pancakes and I haven't even been awake for a full 2hrs and these assholes come by. Makes me want to fling gas on them and watch them burn. If I did that, then maybe... just maybe the noise they make would finally have some truth in it.

2010/10/27

Just doing my part (from 2010-07-26)

I finally broke down and decided to actually cook a real dinner last night. Pork chops, sauerkraut and homemade macaroni and cheese. None of these things I had so I was off to the store.

Going in and out of the store, I had the thrill of shooing away a  panhandler making his pitch for something for some kid or kids somewhere. Not sure what it really was because he was still rattling of his programmed dialog with an exceptionally mush-mouthed dialect as I walked away. I loaded the car and dropped of the cart.

Then came the second panhandler.

It was a woman who, thankfully, kept her pitch short: single mom, unemployed, can I wash the windows on your car?

"No, thank you." "So there's nothing you can spare?"

I understand that part. I don't need my windows cleaned but perhaps there is still hope for some charity.

"No. I'm sorry." I walk on.

"God bless you, anyway."

Anyway?

What fucking gall. Perhaps, lady, your suffering is God's wondrous plan and his hand moved to stay mine from offering charity. That can only lead me to conclude that he wants you to suffer and, if he's feeling charitable himself, die in misery. Who am I to stop that?

I do give to charities but not to any that help humans. Humans can help and better themselves. They just have to want to do something about it. I guess it's easier to wait for a handout than actually make something of your predicament. Sheep, set for life.

 

2010/09/13

A thought about stem cells

There is no rational reason to prohibit stem cell research. It is good for mankind and expanding human knowledge, which never is bad.

That's why "people of faith" are against it.

I was motivated by the recent federal circuit judge ruling that blocked federal funding for stem cell research. It has now been reversed but I am sure that an appeal is already working its way into the system. Ignorant savages people of faith may be, they are benefiting from the science and knowledge gained from medical research. Only the nutjobs who are completely against all man-made medical treatment are doing it right...and dying out as a result. Good on them. Keep it up.

 

I am happy to announce that I have an answer to all of this. It came to me on the toilet one morning.

If you are opposed to stem cell research, you may not use non-natural medical techniques when you ail. Deal with your plight. It's what The Farfalla would want.

You also may not utilize fertility treatments. Obviously, The Farfalla does not want your filth to breed. Since you will not propagate, you might as well off yourself now since that is the sole purpose of your empty, non-contributing life. I recommend hanging with a hemp rope. They are very durable.

 

You may use fertility treatments, however, under one of two conditions:

Option One: the female who is stupid enough to have this mindset can have only one ovum at a time harvested. Most source material for stem cells come from fertility services where many ova are harvested and fertilized a time. Just take one at a time and implant it. If it does not work, you pay full pop again and again in both cash and pain. It's what The Farfalla would want.

Option Two: You may not use fertility treatment for yourself but you may have implanted all of the remaining ova from a single donor. You essentially adopt the remaining ova from one donor and will have one implanted every year until the cache is depleted. You may not have state or government subsistence to support your brood. Either you and your family can support them or not. You may not put them up for adoption and with luck, many will starve to death. That will be your fault.

Actually, there is a third option: keep your filthy sewer shut and your superstitious crap to your self. You don't like stem cell research, don't benefit from it. Those who do, will.

Despite two thousand years of oppression, humanity has clawed its way out of the filth despite Xianity's constant badgering and we are better for it. Now we, or some of us, stand upright instead of living in a state of constant genuflex. Humanity will evolve and become better. For some inexplicable reason, we will drag these anachronistic fools with us. Maybe it's the Xian thing to do.

We need some Conquistadors

A couple of weekends ago, I saw a banner for a Mayan exhibit at the Kimbell Art Museum. I made a note to myself to go and see this as I enjoy Mesoamerican antiquities. I've even visited some of the better known places in Mexico. Fascinating stuff, and a pity. It chaps my ass to think of how much we lost to the plague of European conquerors. While the Maya still exist today, they are a pale shadow of their former selves, crushed into assimilation by an arrogant, ignorant, and unworthy master. I even wish they Maya had had some unknown disease that could have killed of those Catholic bastards, or at least let them live long enough to take it back to Europe to decimate their population. <Ecstatic shudders>

That made me think: we need some new conquistadores, and the more I thought about this while I was driving, the more I loved it. Why I loved it had to do with all the sickening piety gushing out of the worthless evangelicals that re a genuine plague to our country. They are extremists. They are zealots. Those people need be destroyed with prejudice.

Here's the scenario:

One day, out the blue and without warning, aliens arrive. They seem benign but they possess a power that goes beyond our comprehension to a diety-like level. In very short time and without warning, rhyme or reason, they become malign and: butcher half of the population and all of the clerical people; destroy the religious and some non-religious cultural texts; make us learn a single, new language; make us worship alien god(s) that have no meaning; put us to work as slaves harvesting our natural resources; give us a disease that kills off a quarter of the remaining population; then leave us to flounder like a dying fish on a beach. If we are lucky, they will destroy our planet when they sail on to other shores.

My pleasure at this situation is derived from the anguish of the pious, crying to their sky pasta daddy, and the silence of the response. With so much of the culture destroyed and poorly remembered, enhanced by a death penalty for anyone practicing the old ways, how can one not love the irony dealt to these pasta lovers-an irony lost on their ignorance.

Suffer, bastards.