Religions to get behind

A cheery hello to all rational thinkers out there…the rest I ask kindly for you to go visit the Great Big Sky Daddy and stop bothering us! We will be sad to see you go, we truly will, as you provide us such merriment (can you hear the sardonicism?) …all things must come to an end…even the Big Invisible Sky Daddy.

Well I have been asked to guest post. I want to bring to light those religions we can get behind or support.

Here are the rules:
1) The religion requires its adherents to keep this contagion to themselves.
2) The religion must be Polytheistic in nature.
3) The religion must be oriented towards the worship of nature.
4) The religion must require sacrifice (lots of sacrifices).
5) The religion must require lots of sex between its worshipers. Note: Sexual preference is a personal matter. A truly wise God would not care what is going into where on whom. Only Gods with psychological problems would make [sic] time to care how the sex gets done. Remember folks, these are Gods. We must wonder about those Gods who have time enough to be concerned about sexual practices of their worshipers. We all know they are far to busy running the universe to care. So you Gods out there who do in fact care and have taken the pains to have your “free willed” disciples write about sexual taboos go get some therapy. May I suggest Adachigahara, or Patecatl for your personal therapist or perhaps Freud “Sometimes a God with a lighting bolt is just a God with a lighting bolt.”
6) Faith, although necessary, is not founded in a big invisible Sky Daddy who loves us all but in a belief that most people are simple minded and need to be tended like sheep on their way to the abattoir--hence the creation of religion.
7) Not all rules 2-5 need be met but at least one of them must be met along with rule 1, which is mandatory.

Religions I can get behind. Although there are many religions out there that one could select as proper I will bring a few to our attention as examples of the kinds that we should get behind either singularly or as a whole.

Druidism: Note: The original Druid Religion not the watered down modern version.
Cult of Dionysus: That crazy god??? Who wouldn't love a drunken sex maniac like that!
Aztec Religion: But hey let’s not get too out of hand folks.
Loki: Even though this is not a religion he can be worshiped. And hey, everybody loves a trickster.
Adekagagwaa: Here is the spirit of summer. Everybody loves the heat and the skimpy clothes that follow.
The Ancient Greeks had it correct. Any of their Gods will do.
Witchcraft (or Bitchcraft depending upon the time of the month--can you hear the screams?). Now this is not a true religion. But the empowerment of oneself by oneself…Ahh divine!
(side note: Hey! Where are the feminists??? They need to be standing up for us men so we can practice mencraft.)

ABOVE ALL….PLEASE…if you find yourself desiring a religion that is monotheistic, Don’t.
Reference: For a detailed listing of the many reasons against this look up any of the tragedies of human history since monotheism became an option. Note: Monotheism is an optional religion this means that it is secondary to Polytheism.