Fiat Snotbubble!

A lot of synergy went into capturing this photo:

1. Decide on which place to stop at for dinner.
2. Decide to take the back way instead of the freeway.
3. They are out of one item in my order so I have to wait about ten minutes extra.
4. Leaving the place, traffic sucks so I decide to take another alternate route.
5. At the stop sign, one car in front of me makes a u-turn, letting our two vehicles fall into sync.
6. Howdy Doody, here, stops to wait for another car before it can make a turn.

Hmm. Six steps.

Just plain funny

I almost fell off the toilet.

Found at Gods4Suckers.com

L'Oignon: American Voices

Serotonin Makes Locusts Swarm
A new study indicates that an increased level of serotonin—a chemical that can prevent depression in humans—causes locusts to swarm. What do you think?


Link: The Onion: American Voices

Jesus Christ Constipated

Lyrics by Tim Corn
Lyrics Copyright (C) 2009, Cough-Cough Media Group

The Musical achievement of humanity: Jesus Christ Constipated.

Powerful songs of a man's need for salvation.


What's that Noise?
What's that noise, tell me that ain't happenin'!
What's that smell, tell me that ain't happenin'!
What's that noise, tell me that ain't happenin'!
What's that smell, tell me that ain't happenin'!
Will you keep it down?
I am trying to take a shit here!

Everything's Alright
Try not to push too hard,
don't blow out your anus
<indistinct>
You know that everything's all right,
yes, it will be fine.
If you strain you'll get hemorrhoids.
Close your eyes, close your eyes,
just relax and loosen your bowels.


I Don't Know How To Help Him
I Don't Know How To Help Him.
I've tried all the herbal remedies.
He's still backed up like rush hour.

Trial before Pilate
One! (Jesus pushes and grunts)
Two! (Jesus pushes and grunts)
Three! (Jesus pushes and grunts)
Four! (Jesus pushes and grunts)

This Jesus must Pass
Because, because, because he ate cheese,
If anything passes it'll feel like a tree!
Because, because, because he ate,
'cause he ate, 'cause he ate...cheese.

The Sunday funnies - part one

Sunday morning is laundry time. The best part is throwing away the little magazines that are left there by the Mormons. I will look at the titles on the cover, sometimes I will look at the table of contents, have a nice chuckle and chuck them in the trash...but not this week.

There were two issues lying out whose covers just screamed of funny material. I was not disappointed. This is the first of several posts inspired by their contents.

This first writing will deal with their topic: Must we always tell the truth? That sounds like a loaded question coming from a very dubious source. I started reading the first main article, which began with a parable (nice to see them sticking with their writing tradition of inventing stories to make a point) of someone being backed into a corner and forced to make a choice of telling the truth or lying. After leaving the parabloid hanging in his predicament, the author brings in the first bibble reference.

The author writes: Jesus, of course, was referring to the event in the garden of Eden when Satan induced the first human pair to disobey God and thus fall victim to sin and death.

Touching. When writing that, I noticed this time the choice of the word pair as opposed to humans or man and woman but notice the lack of couple because of the lack of marriage. Anyway...

When I finished reading the paragraph, I knew that I had a gold mine in those thirty-one words. The first thing that popped into my head is the oft-cited mantra Gawd's plan. This mantra causes some problems with the author's sentence. Let's see what we have.

If you take the plan into account, then that means that Gawd planned for Satan to induce humans to sin. Humans were intentionally created to sin and fall from grace. Why would IT do that? Simple. Gawd is a wicked and vain deity. IT is wicked because IT intentionally created humans to fall. Once fallen, humans would be remorseful and want to beg for forgiveness to return to grace. A kind deity would not subject humans to atone for something that they were surreptitiously made to do in order to feed someone's/something's ego and need for praise.

Then there are the words: fall victim to sin and death. The only bad thing to which humans fell victim is a sneaky deity, who knew what they would do before they did it and then has the balls to punish them. When IT scooped up that first handful of clay, IT was probably salivating at the thought of the pain and suffering that would soon be inflicted by their punishment, which would lead to countless generations of pleas and prayers to IT.

Satan may have known what IT was planning and thus tried to help the humans by giving them knowledge to break them free of the naiveté and ignorance that was given them before being cast out or paradise. Can you imagine how screwed we would be if humans had done something else to be cast out?

Remind me again, which is the bad deity?

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Fiat snot-bubbles!

Highlights:
1) In this demonstration, a person is represented by a pickle. "Boy, he sure is an ugly pickle...but that pickle looks a lot like all the other pickles in here (ugly)."
2) "I bet they taste about the same, too." - Once more, the cannibalistic nature of the Jebus cult is exposed.
3) This pickle is like a person without Jebus. How do we change that? Impale it on two forks (forks?!? who uses forks? Perhaps you should say pitchforks), one in its head and one in it butt, and run a lethal power through it.
4) Look what happens! See how the power of Jebus makes the pickle-person boil alive from the inside! Look at that steam! Yessirree! That pickle looks a lot different now, as would anyone who was glowing in the dark because of an electric current.
5) The pickle is making a difference in the world around it. It is giving off a light that other people can see. So unless you can glow in the dark and electrocute people with a mere touch, you don't have the Jebus.
6) The most insulting statement is when Grandpa Bozo says that by becoming a xian, people are able to make a difference in the world. I would suspect that more people who are not xians have made more significant contributions of a greater quantity and quality than the whole of xianity, pagan and others impeded by theology. What are some of those differences made by xians? Suppression and destruction of knowledge. I think that I am feeling a warm glow inside, too, but I suspect that it is anger.
7) After the lethal power is removed, that pickle looks just like any other pickle...well, except for the corporal trauma from the impalement.
8) If we reapply the power..."funny things start to take place." Look at the steam and bodily fluid gushing out of it.
9) Most importantly, "don't try this at home." If you try to fill yourself with Jebus's power, you might burn down the house or kill yourself. On second thought, Please, try it.

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